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August 6th, 2003 @ [04:31pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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music |
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Brand New - The Quiet Things... |
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I don't really know what I can say right now. Being with Jere makes me happy. I can't deny it. Waking up with him right there is a feeling I can't describe.
I never wanted to hurt Quinn. I really like him, I do. He thinks he was just someone to have between other people and that is not at all true. It's just...the feelings I have for him aren't the same as they are for Jere.
I just want everyone to understand. And for no one to be mad. :-/
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August 5th, 2003 @ [01:36pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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Rancid - Fall Down |
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I really don't understand how life works. I guess I'm too young to really know everything there is to know about emotion, feelings, relationships, family... it gets so confusing sometimes. I wish it wouldn't happen to me the way that it does. I cannot deny that I have feelings for Quinn. He's a great guy and he's really funny. I like being around him. But at the same time, it's not the kind of feeling I think I should have. Maybe it just needs some more time. Maybe I just need some more time. I could lie and say this has nothing to do with Jeremiah but I won't. After talking to him and reading his journal, I honestly do not know what I want any more. I've liked him for 3 years. I've gone 3 years watching from the side while he's been with so many other people and I was just in awe over it all. For him to tell me that he has fallen in love with me is the strangest feeling I've ever had. I've never really felt real love before, and no one's ever really loved me. I mean, there was Andrea. I thought I loved her, and I thought she loved me. But she turned out to be a lying cheating bitch and shows up only to dump a kid on me. I love my son more than life, but sometimes I can't handle that. Thank god for my parents and sister. Then there was Paul. That was something that I don't even know why it happened. I think we were just curious and...we didn't know what we were doing. But that was not the kind of love we wanted it to be. And now, I really don't know what this is except that it's different from everything else I've ever felt. I don't know. It's all confusing.
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| wow |
August 4th, 2003 @ [02:41pm] |
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mood |
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self loathing? |
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music |
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Mest - Return To Self Loathing |
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I. Am. Very. Confused.
edit
I have come to the conclusion that I am a terrible, terrible person and I should be burned at the stake.
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July 29th, 2003 @ [09:11am] |
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mood |
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 content |
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I got a new picture. Yay. But its not a real picture cuz I couldn't find one of the band with Chris in it. Feh. Oh well, I will. At least I've got something.
Yeah, that's about all I can come up with for an update right about now. It's short, I know. But only about 2 or 3 people ever read my journal so it's okay.
Hmmm, I'll do a quick dance for you.
*turns on some Nelly and starts dancing*
Okay, you must leave now. Goodbye.
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July 27th, 2003 @ [03:49pm] |
WTF I died, I'm sorry. Warped is always better when you don't have to worry about doing anything. lmao. I've seen about every band here at least twice. Ha yeah. It's great stuff.
I got spammed. I feel so .... viloated. I hope it happens again.
Anyways, I'm not dead so hi you should talk to me okay bye.
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July 23rd, 2003 @ [01:20pm] |
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music |
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Korn - Beat It Upright |
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Look at my face! That damn bird left a mark right under my eye! It hurts like hell. *whines* Never never never let the animals in the pet shop free. They won't be very nice to you. Down with parrots and pit bulls. The stupid dog even left claws marks on my chest.
Okay, besides that, I'm bored and tired and I'm leaving Warped tomorrow. Isn't that sad? I thought so, but, yeah. I dunno. At least Nick never got me :)
edit Okay so I'm not leaving tomorrow. I'm staying with Quinn so...that shall be fun.
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July 22nd, 2003 @ [12:31pm] |
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music |
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Justin Timberlake - Rock Yo Body |
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*turns up the stereo full blast, looks around, and starts dancing*
*sings* Don't be so quick to walk away! I wanna rock your body, please stay! Ya don't have to admit ya wanna play! Just let me rock you...blah blah blah
*looks around once more and then runs off*
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July 20th, 2003 @ [07:09pm] |
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mood |
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 horny |
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music |
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the used - buried myself alive |
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I just ...... wow
I'm at Warped. It shall be interesting. Must beware of the video cameras.
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July 19th, 2003 @ [07:37pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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green day - stuck with me |
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Where was everyone when I felt sick this morning?
Anyway, Nick, I kinda kept dying when I was talking to you. Sorry for that.
I was talking to you. Sorry for that
Quinn, I'm sorry about the way I left you at the park. It wasnt because of what happened because I wanted that. I'll talk with ya soon. So...I guess I'm gonna go hang out on the Warped for awhile. I dont know any of the details but I'll figure them out when I get there. And Nick will not be video taping anything I do. Okay? I wont dance. lol
*cracks fingers*
Theres nothing else I can think of saying so peace.
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July 17th, 2003 @ [07:12pm] |
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music |
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commercial for Warped Tour |
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I'm boooored.
I wish someone was on. But nooooo one is on.
Quinn left. DIE.
Niiick I wanna talk to you.
*pouts*
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July 16th, 2003 @ [09:50am] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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mest - return to self loathing |
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Pain. Hate. Lies. Guilt. Laugh. Cry. Live. Die. Some friends become enemies some friends become your family. Make the best with what you're given, this ain't dyin, this is livin.
( This is me now )
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July 12th, 2003 @ [12:41pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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Mest - Until I Met You |
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If I thought I was dying then, this is dying 10000 times over.
I feel dizzy, pukey, I have a terrible headache, and I feel like my heart is crumbling into a million pieces and falling to the pit of my stomach.
edit Why does all the bad shit happen to me? I hate emotion, and feelings. They make you act crazy, even when you know it's what you wanted.
Am I so fucked up in the head to try and ruin peoples lives? Because honestly, I'm not trying to at all. I just feel really weird when we talk and I've never felt like it before, it's different than anything I've ever known and maybe I'm just confused...I DON'T KNOW!!
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July 9th, 2003 @ [12:26pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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jessi, jere, nick, and paul |
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I don't know what happened. One minute I'm swimming with Jessi and Jere, the next I can't breathe and Nick and Paula re hanging over me and everyone's talking but I can't really comprehend what they're saying and then I'm in an ambulance with Jere and the others are following behind us in his car. Now...the hospital. I don't know what the hell....
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July 9th, 2003 @ [10:02am] |
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mood |
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shitty |
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music |
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Mest |
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So, yeah. Life's a bitch and then you die. I'm really happy for Jere that Matt came back around. Now if only Paul could. But I think I should just get over the fact that I can't make everyone happy, him being one of them. So, I don't know what I'm going to do any more. I mean, I can't imagne going on without him. I.... *sighs*
Sitting underneath the moonlight
Missing my baby tonight, this feeling's just not right
The last time we touched it's been so long
Her lovin' keeps me strong and I know that nothing's wrong
But I feel so alone today
Cause I miss my baby
A love I've been missing for so long
Her lovin' keeps me movin' on
Never understand the way she makes me feel
When she holds my hand I hope that God had this planned
And she was his angel, lost her wings for this world
To come down here and save me, she's my baby
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July 8th, 2003 @ [11:22am] |
Nick, lets have the bad mood party! woooo.
Jere, let's run away and elope! woooo.
Let's beat Paul down with a wet noodle! wooo.
Let's all smack Billy for saying woooo.
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